Bernie Bridges has it all figured out. April-May June—the hottest girl in the fourth grade—will ask him to the annual girl-invite-boy school dance. They'll dance the night away, and April-May June will totally fall for him.

There's only one problem: Reality. April-May June doesn't WANT to go with Bernie. She wouldn't go with Bernie even if he was the last guy on earth.

Then Jennifer Ecch—the Nightmare Girl—swoops in and asks Bernie to the dance. Yuck! How can he shake the unshakable Ecch?

Bernie has a plan. He'll convince Jennifer that he is lower than toe fungus and not worthy enough to go to the dance with her. But love is blind. Jennifer loves Bernie—no matter what.

So Bernie has no choice. The time has come to hold a long-distance snot-blowing contest right in front of Jennifer. That should be gross enough to get Jennifer out of his life—shouldn't it?